Benny Dorm

Benny Dorm’s guide to avoiding the holiday blues!

Benny Dorm

Hola! Why aye pets – Benny here – can you guess where I am?

Having put by a little each month (been taking thrifty tips from old Miser) I’ve managed to swap the annual week at the South Shields caravan park for a little bit of Spanish sunshine!

 

Here I am, knotted hankie on head (well it’s a bit, what  do they say – Scorchiocrying-boy-out here) soaking up the sunny Costa Del climate, and the best bit – no snivelling kids!

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my own grandkids, but there’s a time and a place for screaming, shouting,  snotty bairns yelling for more ice-cream and squabbling over whose turn it is to bury poor old dad in the sand – while mum sits comfortably on the sun lounger reading the latest ‘Fifty Shades of ‘Grey’ installment!

Not on my watch thank you very much.

Beside, I want to be able to sit around the pool, under the shade without the risk of getting chlorine splashed into my pint!

Well come on, you’ve got to have a pint mid-morning to soak up a traditional Spanish breakfast of a fry up with a dash of Tabasco sauce and a couple of chocolate doughnuts from the buffet.

Shame Frau Zimmer isn’t here – she’s dead keen on wrapping up  a few bread rolls, some slices of No-Carbscheese and odd looking cold meats at breakfast so we don’t have to buy any lunch!

I have actually been watching what I eat in the run up to this break to be honest, and trying to keep myself in shape – I know how important looking good on the beach is these days, right girls?

Still, I’m on a solo holiday, enjoying a bit of peace and quiet from the others – especially Bill twittering on about ensuring we’re well stocked up on fat balls for the blinking birds.

Now you know I’m a bit of a charmer when it comes to the ladies, so in preparation for my hols, I managed to persuade Pearl to put her knitting down and help me pack.

And the ole girl did me proud. Packing for Spain is a far cry from throwing a few crew neck sweaters in a holdall for South Tyneside.

holiday-checklist-

Thankfully I have the other Jellyatrics looking after things at home – so I didn’t need to think about cancelling the milk or the list of other things you’re supposed to do before you go away – it’s exhausting!

I mean, who thinks about sprinkling baking soda down the toilet and drains to help prevent the water turning stagnant. Some people really have got too much time on their hands.

 

Take a leaf from my book single travellers – all you need is:

  • Ticket, money, passportsandals
  • Spare pair of leather sandals and white socks. The young ladies love that look!
  • Set of dominoes
  • Binoculars for a spot of bird watching (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) –     I’ve just swiped Bill’s – that’ll give him summat else to stress over!
  • Magazine inserts collected from the weekend papers
  • Throat lozenges – just in case I get a tickle in my preparation for the karaoke!

Taking of karaoke, I’ve borrowed one of those iPod things from my grandson and he has downloaded some summer music for me to practice singing along to. He has made me a playlist (whatever that is).

So in the hotel bar this evening, I’m moving away from Walking on Sunshine and giving the Thong Song a go – what d’ya reckon?

Benny-the-Karaoke-King

 

Hasta La Vista, baby!

Wish you were here (NOT!)

Benny

Jellyatrics-Holiday-Pic