Bill Bird

My Bird’s Eye View of Autumn

Bill Bird

2Ah autumn – my favourite season and a lovely time of year – based mainly of course on the colours of the Jellyatrics!

The reds, oranges and yellows of the leaves on the trees and those crunching beneath your feet, you can’t beat it (unless you tread on a twig and it doesn’t snap, it just squelches!)

In my own world, I have lots to celebrate at this time of year, not least the absence of cats in my garden chasing the birds and an even lower number of kids kicking their ball over my fence causing menace to my garden gnomes (which reminds me, they all need bubble wrapping and protecting from the frost, the gnomes that is, not the kids).

 

The garden is a wonderful place to be

The garden is a wonderful place to be at this time of year, and I’ve been doing this job a lot longer that those young ‘uns Monty Don and the like, and can give them a few tips.

AutumnFor instance, who needs to spend money on one of those fancy leaf blowers when you’ve got Pearl’s knitting needles to spike them with?

I may just send that little gem to the RHS, suggesting an addition to their list of garden jobs for October … (note to self)

Now, I spend a lot of time out and about with my trusty binoculars admiring the birds, and during my regular walks in local woods and beauty spots have recently decided to swap them for a camera, taking up a new hobby of nature photography.

You’d never catch me doing the daft things that some pensioners are getting up to – I mean, ballet dancing, at our age?

Anyway, Benny says it’s just a case of point and click the camera at what you want to take a picture of – but I’m all about doing things properly, and after seeing all those photos of my purple buddy over the summer – well, I’m sure I could do a lot better.

And an early start is paramount.

 

Hot chocolate and sausage rolls

In fact, there’s nothing I like more than getting up at the crack of dawn – as most old people in their busy retired lives do – and going for a lovely stroll in the peace and quiet, coming home and putting my feet up with the morning paper and a steaming hot cup of hot chocolate and Frau’s homemade sausage roll (just likeMary Berry, she buys her own puff pastry, but don’t say I told you).

Oh yes, old people and their cocoa I can just about hear you say. Well, trendy young people who write things on the Internet also like the same stuff as us mature lot. Just have a look at this Zoella and all the things she likes about autumn.

But …. Then there is that blinkin’ Halloween to spoil things – when you feel like a prisoner in your own home. I’m all for kids enjoying themselves, as long as it is far away from my house and my street. Me and the rest of the Jellyatrics are pensioners, and we don’t want to be wasting our money on any other sweets than our own – and then giving them away. Thought kids weren’t supposed to take sweets from strangers away?

Besides, spare a thought for us living with Mister Miser – you lot can take off your mean faces, snarling expressions and crinkly skin masks when you get home … we live with him every day of the year!1

 

Bill’s Top 5 loves and dislikes of autumn

LikeDon't Like
Dark nights - no kids playing out Half term holiday means- kids are out
Pearl’s chunky oversized knitted jumpersOnesies – not great when you need the loo in a rush
Strictly Come Dancing – pretty young thingsDownton Abbey – stuffy old birds
Cats not messing in the garden Hidden dog mess among fallen leaves
Pumpkin soup & pumpkin pie Halloween – and kids dressed as pumpkins

 

Image credits:
Creative Commons “Hot chocolate with marshmallow, honey, and cinnamon” by Chat W licensed under CC BY 2.
Creative Commons “Gravel roadway early autumn – Colts Neck” by joiseyshowaa licensed under CC BY 2.
Creative Commons “And cackling wildly, off she flew” by @sage_solar licensed under CC BY 2.