Mister Miser

OAPs Behaving Badly in Retirement

Mister Miser

MM_Scene-01Miser here – now pay attention!

I’ve been reading some very disturbing things in the newspaper recently (I didn’t buy my own you understand, I pinched the patient copy from the Doctor’s Surgery) about OAPs behaving badly.

Well, they say badly – more like downright shameful I should cocoa.

Now I’m all for getting out in the fresh air for a pleasant, peaceful walk to enjoy the great outdoors, but jumping out of a plane – by CHOICE – and at my age, well that has got to be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard!

Apparently, and wash you ears out thoroughly for this one – people of a certain age, who quite frankly should have more concern for their well being and their wallet, are skydiving!

Yes, this according to this recent survey, a mind-boggling 13 per cent of people aged over 60 would quite happily launch themselves into mid air hanging on to a glorified kite. Back in my day it was a matter of duty to do things like jump out of a plane for King and Country, not pleasure.

And it seems, the older people get – the worse their craving, just look at this old boy, I can think of far better ways to celebrate a 101st birthday than a tandem jump. I mean, what’s wrong with going through all the oddments of jam and marmalade in the cupboard and making enough filling for a sandwich. Hate waste me.

Getting ‘inked’…

Equally as shocking is people in later life getting, ‘inked’ I think the youngsters call it – that’s getting a tattoo to old folk like me.

jellly-tattooWell, well, well, I dare say many of you reading this have some kind of permanent skin decoration.

Not for me thank you very much. And why oh why would you want a tattoo on what if it isn’t already, soon to become old, saggy, prune-like skin?

Just what were these people thinking … Body art? Phar!

Don’t tell me there won’t be a few tears before Newsnight as reality bites, although most seem not to give a fig.

And as for this old gal – she looks like she has launched herself off a very tall building onto several bags of
Jellyatrics – most sour (and a tad saggy wouldn’t you say?)

It seems that it’s the fairer sex who are more likely to get a tattoo – I was reading here about a great grandmother believe to be the oldest woman in the country to get a tattoo – and of course, it all costs money!

Growing old gracefully…

Still, there are a few people, who like myself, are lucky in life to grow old gracefully and indeed who look better with age.

jelly-seanI put myself in the same bracket as the very distinguished Sir Sean Connery. Saw him once you know … almost got the part as his body double in Goldfinger. And that Pussy Galore, what ho – she was a little minx.

Now Sean really is a true gent – you’d never catch the greatest James Bond (in my humble opinion) showing himself up at a pensioner party, rock concert or rave!
Good Lord… whatever next?

Anyway, all this talk has really got my goat ….pensioners listen here. Old age is for enjoying fish and chips on the seafront (small portion of course) – taking a flask of tea to keep the cost down – and a quiet night in watching an educational David Attenborough documentary.

The next preposterous idea will be going on a blind date in the hope of finding love later in life. Urgh perish the thought…. Wilco, Roger and out.